Sweet Escape

Shivers creeping up my spine

Lord of sleep weighing heavy on my mind

Constant thoughts disappear

as the cloud of slumber reappears

muddled thoughts roll in as a fog

my body as heavy as a log

My sweet escape from the bitter cold

embraces me with warmth and peace.

But the promise is a lie

as only death and grief takes its place.

Credit:

Lauran, May 2, 2010

Creativity and Black nail polish

Writing has always been a habit of mine and it wasn't until my senior year of high school where my love became even greater when I took creative writing. The writing I mean is the creative types, I absolutely abhor writing research papers or essays. I like to write opinion pieces, as many of my comments can be read on various websites, although I do not like to debate with those continually attack and can't have a simple discussions because hey we are all unique and different, but that doesn't mean we can't talk as civil adults.

Anyways this blog is going to take a major change from what I started it off with....haha.... so last night I painted my nails black. I have never done that before and I began to think of all the things associated when you see some wearing black fingernail polish. The first thought that comes to mind is that she is goth, but then you see her make up and clothing and x that one off. then your next thought is she must be punk and once again you look at her hair, clothing, and makeup and if that doesn't match, you are at a lost for words....

In my way of thinking, I see my fingernails and the black nail polish and I feel a sense of creativity. Realizing that I am a right brained person, who loves to write, sing, play piano, take photographs, and just imagine and I see that in the color of my fingernails. Some may say, black...hmm..that is kind of dark, but if you look at black from a different point of view, black is a mixture of all the colors, when I was first painting my nails I saw a hint of blue in the black.

The weird thing is I feel more comfortable wearing black nail polish then I would be wearing red nail polish. Whenever I rarely put nail polish on, I use very neutral colors, almost skin tone. I am a very neutral person on the outside, but on the inside I'm quite different. Wearing black nail polish feels a bit rebellious to my very neutral outside look and I like it.

This blog post might feel a little trivial compared to what's going on in the chaos that is our world, but I do have a point to speaking about the color of nail polish.

The Body of Christ in general in the United States is very much how I describe my outside as neutral, not really making a dent in this world, but not fading into the background, well almost not. There is a little group that do stand out because they are on fire for Jesus and I see that as me wearing my black nail polish. It stands out and it isn't the common norm and that is how as Christ followers we should be. Stop being apathetic, stop being neutral, put on some black nail polish and stand out in the crowd. The world should be able to tell us apart from those of this world. We should be the weird ones, who are crazy for Jesus. Like the Superchic[k] song "Hey, Hey" goes "So I won't sell out, even if the whole world thinks I'm crazy"

So get out of your norm, be a little crazy. Our love for Jesus should be showing to the world and not hidden in neutrality. We are in a battle for souls, this no time to be resting, heaven is where we will have our final rest.

Restlessness

tapping foot

in perfect rhythm

tapping pen

in sporadic rhythm

sighing constant

wishing for more

tapping fingers

as a pianist

clenching fist

as a fighter

when's the waiting finally over?

where's my rest?

Poetry...haha...yeah right...funny rhymes...

Piranha Named Donna

There was a piranha named Donna

who was smokin' marijuana

who got fried in the sauna

while cryin' for it's momma

Credit due:

Lauran and Christine 2008

Poems in the Corn

(well? they do have ears)

Thunder, thunder head our way

give us a short working day

if you don't I think I'll cry

because it will be so hot n' dry

Credit due:

Lauran and long hours pollinatin' corn

No Idea

have a clue

because one's due

please hurry, hury

be wary, wary

it's gettin' kinda hairy

sort of scary

where's nancy drew?

i just heard a boo

Credit

sadly, Lauran 2011 ( 2 min. rhyme)

okay i'm done (takes bow)....might entertain later with more funny, weird rhymes :)

Faraway Star

time is slipping,

the clock is ticking,

life goes by,

until we die,

is that all we are,

to be forgotten as a faraway star.

drifting listlessly

staring mindlessly

into the darkening sky

O' where do the mindless lie

light is fading

in the darkness' shading

the soundless night

no strength or might

no end in sight

must I fight

in this dying sky

O' let me fly

Poetry by Lauran 2011

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Exhausted

Exhausting, tiring, worn out, burned out, tuckered out, I will now kick the bucket, well just to my bed to sleep. It has been a tiring day, I have slept so much today although I had a good night of sleep these last couple days. These last four days feel like a year, praying for renewal, to learn to live again, to get past all of these emotions that have bogged me down for two years. I want to live up to my potential and guess what I am a scared and weary of what's to come.

I feel like Jeremiah, who my mom taught in sunday school today. He was a prophet for 40 years and he had to tell Israel what they have done wrong against God and that they will punished. People cursed and called him names, friends hated him and he became weary and scared and very down in his soul and cried. (or as 1st or 2nd grader Chase said about Jeremiah being hated, "For no good reason!") Jeremiah was also thrown into prison as well as in a well of mud. I feel like Jeremiah, tired in my soul, not for his reasons, but similar in that I feel attacked constantly, constantly hindered to do what must be done to survive and live the path God has chosen for me. Jeremiah and I are similar in that I have done my share fair of crying. Maybe God wanted me to be in the Sunday School my mom was teaching because I needed to learn that my soul is weary and I need sleep, I need to rest my soul and become recharged.

So maybe that is why I slept so much today, unintentionally in 2nd service of church, after church for 20 minutes and then for a couple hours this late afternoon and at this moment before falling asleep, I am exhausted as well. It isn't because of anything I have done physically, but I believe God wants me to take this time at home to rest my weary soul in the arms of my Saviour. As I sleep tonight I will rest on the promises my Saviour has told me. I have a long and weary battle ahead of me and I want to win and rely on the one true God, Yahweh, Alpha and Omega, Jehovah, Adonai, El Shaddai

I love you.

Anxiety, Jealousy, shame, pride, fear...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

This verse never affected me until this last year. We commonly mistake anxious with eager. If I had the problem of eagerness, I would be high flying. Anxiety is a serious thing and we shouldn't mistake, it is written in the Bible for a reason because I believe that Jesus realized how debilitating anxiety really is. He knew what kind of conniving tricks that the Prince of this World had for us, so that we can not spread the good name of Jesus Christ. I got pulled into the tricks and traps that Satan had laying out for me. It is such an easy thing to do, I do not hold any blame against Eve for taking a bite of that fruit as Satan is the master tempter...and with out our defense we are defenseless.

I now realize why the words prayer and petition do all things are added, God knows that we are weak to begin with in the fight against spiritual darkness and we need armor, protection, to defend us against this battle we are all thrown in. I have failed many times in my fight against depression and anxiety because I have been fighting without the one who created me.

My pride has been a wall that has blocked me and this pride has led to shame in having to say I need help. The thoughts that haunt in my head are "i'm letting people down, again...i'm so stupid." then I don't tell anyone...Satan is one conniving serpent, he knows this weakness I have and hits the right buttons and I just fold and take these lies of not being good enough as truth. Which they are all Lies!

I know all the answers in my head, but have I been following God with my heart, no...if I was, then I wouldn't be in this exact predicament. I will still have struggles, but they would be different ones and I can stop repeating the cycle I am in now.

Life is a journey of ups and downs, forks in the roads, rivers w/ and w/o bridges and our guide is our Lord Jesus Christ, he navigated this journey perfectly, but he had challenges, temptations that each one of us face. I now must read these words I write and apply them to my life. This moment, this time, is a turning point in this child of God's life. It is he, who gives me strength, it is he, I will obey, it is he, I will give my all, it is he, I will raise my hands in worship.

Wherever you are in your Journey, just know you are not alone and learn to accept help. It does not make you weak, but stronger as a person, and as we journey towards our final resting place, I pray we can gather together and press onward in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

An anxious heart weighs a man down,

but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25

Darling village of Polk, how I love thee...