I was lost, but now am Found.

Being physically lost is far different than being mentally lost...at times I feel that I'm wandering around in a circle not knowing where the end is or being in a maze and can't finding the exit. Besides being lost, I'm trapped not knowing how to get out. There are many ways you can handle this situation and I have been through many of them. You can keep floundering lost and confused and fall to the ground crying, run around screaming to get help, but no one can hear you. This is how I have been feeling for the last two months. I'm being so very honest...it is hard to actually type this out on the internet for the world to see, but there is something so very important about my story. I think it is quite weird saying I have a story, but everyone has a story. There is a name to this feeling of being lost and not knowing how to get out and that is depression. I am depressed. No, I am clinically depressed...Gosh, that is a hard thing to say, I'm tearing up write now. It is just that it is such a hard part of my life and I struggle...everyday dealing with it. Medicine is good and all, but it doesn't change everything, part of this fight is one that I have to overcome...For quite awhile this depression has pushed me away from God, it has built a wall around my heart and I have become cold hearted to God, just as the Pharoh did during Moses's time. I knew God and believed in him, but that relationship that is so critical in being a real follower of Christ wasn't there. I just went through the motions, said the right things... I wasn't doing anything wrong, really in all actuallity I was doing NOTHING. At times all I wanted to do was lay in bed all day and sleep. I felt trapped and I am slowly crawling out of my hole, slowly but surely I will get out of this hole and rub the dirt off and learn from the challenge that I am facing. One night I was reading in the Bible, which is so key in keeping Satan at bay and keeping you full with the Holy Spirit, I read a verse in Hebrews 13 it said "Because God said, 'Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" I asked myself this question replied fullheartedly in my room NO.. then I substituted Satan in the word for man... and I said again NO. It reminds me of a RED song where he is basically screaming for satan to get away. I felt this release, my shoulders were a little bit lighter and I felt more like myself. I have so so much going for me, I'm applying to law school, I am in my senior year, I'm taking the LSAT, I want to make a difference, I want others to know the love of Christ. I want to change lives. I want others to have the never ending, always loving relationship with Jesus Christ that I have. HE IS THE ONE THAT PULLED ME OUT MY DARK HOLE. IT WAS HIS HAND REACHING OUT THESE LAST TWO MONTHS SAYING, "COME MY CHILD I LOVE YOU, LET ME TAKE YOUR BURDENS AWAY." HE LOVES ME SO MUCH THAT HE DIED FOR ME. I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW. No one can deny my experiences. God is someone that is so Peaceful, so loving, so caring, so Just, is so jealous he wants me for himself. He wanted me as he wants you to be his child. that is why he sent his only son to die on earth. I'm slowly crawling, but the key word is that I am. I am ready to face the day even though it might seem scary. Satan won't hold me down, not now, not ever. There is a reason he should be scared, I have broken down the wall. God has won, Satan has lost, he has his judgement. He will be thrown into the fiery lake for all eternity and we will give praises to the Most High God and forever be in his Glory. Praise be to Him!