Hmmm....

So I have never really blogged before and I am thinking that if no one reads it, that's okay, but if people read it that's fine as well. There are many times during the day, I'm hanging out with my friends and sometimes the stupidest things spill out of my mouth and at times I try to express my opinion, but it gets overshadowed by either my nervousness or lack of time to think for a longer period of time before I speak. It seems that my best thoughts come to me late at night or wee hours of the morning and usually it's me talking to myself looking in a mirror. Weird, I know. But for me this is the best way and talk and vent about things I don't normally tell other people. Also I think another reason my opinions don't become fully expressed is because I am too nice. I'm not saying that is a negative thing to be nice, but I worry way to much about what other people think of me and not wanting people to hate me or dislike me. Why should I worry about the way people perceive me? Why don't I truly trust that God is the only person that I should follow always? His opinion is the only opinion that counts. Why do I try and fail at following what the world tells me is right?  There are so many questions that are swimming around in my head.  This world is a mess and sometimes it feels as if there is no hope and no calm. Yes, this sound depressing and it is. This year 2008, has been a crazy year, full of many ups and many downs. If someone asked me, "how are you?" and I really answered to lengths and in detail, they would be surprised and might say, "really all that has happened, I never would have known, you always smile." Ok,ok this probably not exactly what they would say.  I would not have been able to survive this year if it was not for God in my life. He is the one I lean on when I feel that there is no hope. I seriously can't imagine life without him. I would probably be insane if I didn't have God in my heart when my grandma's and grandpa passed away.  I would probably be a nervous wreck.  So if life has got you down and you feel that no one really cares for your problems as big or little they are, just know that there is one, who does love you so much and wants you to come as you are. Anyways that is all I'm going to write tonight and I'm thinkin' that this blog is going to become the place where I write the things that I think about and wish that I wrote them down. Sorry if this post is really random and skips around a bit, but that is how my mind works and I really can't change that.